Nerdvana: The Future Will Rock!
Back in May 2016, Nerdvana introduced you to the future society of Cyber City.
Jason and I are big fans of Utopian futures and sci-fi stuff, so we’ve both been itching to delve further into this amazing future world, so let’s delve into the fictional events which led Earth to its’ idyllic life in the distant fictional future…all the way to the year 3000.
HOW WE GOT HERE…
Back in ancient times, back when people still put ice in their drinks, video games only played in 3 dimensions, pizzas were still flat and round and gangster rappers roamed the lands, things were pretty dicey. Society was sorely divided among warring factions.
People were so mired in their internal conflicts that they barely noticed them the day they came.
No one saw them coming. They just appeared in the sky. Flying saucers. (Cliche, yes, but that’s what they were.) There were 7 of them, one for each continent. For 3 days they just hung there in the sky. People tried making contact, armies tried blasting them, but they deflected everything and didn’t budge an inch. Then on a Thursday, just as everyone was settling down to watch Cash Cab, the ships suddenly sprung to life all at once and intercepted every TV and satellite signal on the planet (including public access and the Cooking Channel). This is what they said:
“Greetings, Earthies. We are the senior emissaries from the Democratic Order of Planets, or DOOP for short. For the past 4 days we have been monitoring your world, after receiving word that your planet existed and that there was said to be intelligent life on it (someone read this on a tabloid).”
“Now for the purpose of our arrival: Your world is what you’d call a Goldilocks Planet, positioned at a safe distance from your sun and capable of supporting and sustaining numerous forms of life, a rarity among the cosmos.”
“Even rarer, your planet is on a key nexus point in the galaxy, on the direct path of travel and commerce between several worlds affiliated with DOOP.”
“Our plan is to establish a set of intergalactic fueling stations on your Earth, so space travelers will be able to safely re-fuel their starships while traveling between worlds, and possibly grab a snack and get some minor repair-work done while they wait. Normally, in exchange for housing these stations, we would give the host planet enormous advances in science, technology and medicine, ushering said world into a new Golden Age of enlightenment and prosperity.”
“But not the way you yahoos act! We’ve been watching you guys these past few days, and your society is all F-ed up! You use every piddling detail you can think of to act really crappy to one another! You prejudice against each other because of what color your skin is?? Please! On my planet people come in 10 colors, and guess what? NOBODY CARES!”
“Yeah, you guys basically suck, but we’re reasonable beings, so we’re prepared to make you an offer: you have 365 of your Earth days, that’s one year, to clean up your collective act. Dissolve these pointless factions, unite as a people and repair the damages your stupid bickering has caused to your societies. If you do this, we’ll install the fueling stations and introduce you to the wonders of the cosmos and all that good stuff. If you don’t, well, we’re just going to vaporize your entire population, then after we’ve swept your remains away, we’ll just put the stations here anyway. Your planet can be re-terraformed, you guys can’t!”
“Oh, and one more thing: don’t try any of that Independence Day BS. Your weapons are useless against us. In fact, any act of hostility by any of you will be considered a breach of our agreement and we’ll just vaporize you right then and there! It’s a simple equation, folks: EVOLVE OR DIE. Emissaries out!”
Naturally, at first there was panic in the streets.
But after the predicted strings of rioting and suicides, the intelligent people did get the idea that whatever side they happened to fall on, it wasn’t going to matter if everyone was dead. So all of the remaining populace put in what is now considered the hardest piece of work in recorded history. With just weeks to spare, World Peace was finally declared.
The aliens were true to their word. Not only did they not wipe us out, but they did indeed treat humanity to HUGE advances in technology, science, medicine and agriculture. Over time, Earth became a technologically advanced, environmentally friendly Utopia where all the world’s nations merged into one, and crime, poverty and diseases were all systematically eliminated (the common cold was eradicated in 2034, then the rest of the illness all fell like dominoes).
The DOOP fueling stations were installed on Earth. As a result, many alien species began regularly passing through the planet, and several of them opted to stay, making Earth their new home. Today, in the year 3000, the planet Earth is a galactic melting pot, home to numerous alien species. This is the inevitability of cleaning up the place…