Talkin’ Nerdy: Milky Way VS The Planet Heroes
Our solar system. Eight planets and one dwarf planet formerly known as a planet moving and grooving around the Sun. It’s where most of live and keep all of our stuff. It’s also been the inspiration for not 1, but 2 toy and fandom franchises.
In this corner, we have MILKY WAY AND THE GALAXY GIRLS.
And in this corner, we have THE PLANET HEROES.
But which is better? Which is the cooler toyetic take on the solar system? Today, we place them against one another, head-to-head, to find out.
NOTE: While both franchises also boast characters for other heavenly bodies like the Sun, the Moon, stars and the like, for this we’ll only be looking at the characters representing planets. Why? Because I’m incredibly lazy. However we will be covering Pluto, despite it no longer being considered a planet; it was a planet when I was a kid, and I still consider it a planet now. Besides, it’s already been demoted from the cool kids’ table, Pluto’s suffered enough. That said, let’s get it on!
- BASE OF OPERATIONS
PLANET HEROES: A futuristic Space Base.
ADVANTAGE: Planet Heroes. It’s fun to travel the cosmos, but it’s also good to have a place to hang your hat.
2. PRIMARY MODE OF TRANSPORTATION
MWGG!: Roller Skates…IN SPACE!!!
PLANET HEROES: Cool jets, star cruisers and other rad vehicles.
ADVANTAGE: Planet Heroes. Kicks are cool, but nothing beats cruising through space in your sweet, sweet ride.
3. MAIN TOY TYPES
PLANET HEROES: Action Figures
ADVANTAGE: Push. Dolls, action figures, whether you want to snuggle or beat the crap out of one another, whatever floats your boat.
4. REPRESENTATIVE OF MERCURY
MWGG!: An uber-competitive athletic type.
PLANET HEROES: Zip, coming with a small gun and a 2 wheeled vehicle, that when rolled back will zip forward.
ADVANTAGE: MWGG!. I like the silver outfit; silver’s one of my favorite colors.
5. REPRESENTATIVE OF VENUS
MWGG!: This lovely, pink-haired perfectionist aspiring ballerina, complete with ballet slipper skates (makes no sense, but why not?).
PLANET HEROES: Dazzle, the only female Planet Hero, with a lava launch gun.
ADVANTAGE: MWGG! Dazzle’s hot, and has a cool name, but she’s the ONLY girl on the team. Token females are so old-school, plus, come on, look at Venus. She’s magically babe-licious! (Plus, forgive me, but I initially thought Dazzle was a boy before I noticed her breasts.)
6. REPRESENTATIVE OF EARTH
PLANET HEROES: Ace, a young Earth boy with a Go-Kart, a skateboard and wings.
ADVANTAGE: Planet Heroes, by default. I’m sure Ms. Faust gets asked this all the time, but why is there no Galaxy Girl for Earth? It’s our primitive planet, sure, but it’s still a planet. Could she not think of a persona for Earth? Earth also means dirt, so she could be a farm girl in a Daisy Mae outfit. Hey, I’d buy that.
7. REPRESENTATIVE OF MARS
MWGG!: This quirky, kooky, green-skinned artist.
PLANET HEROES: Digger, a red guy who digs, with a drill and shield.
ADVANTAGE: MWGG!. I like how Ms. Faust chose to make the Mars character a stereotypical Green Martian. As a fan of cheesy sci-fi movies, I can’t resist Mars.
8. REPRESENTATIVE FOR JUPITER
MWGG!: A heavenly hippie and animal lover.
PLANET HEROES: Gustus, a really big guy with a robot dog.
ADVANTAGE: MWGG!. While I do like how Gustus is big like his planetary namesake, I also happen to find hippie chicks irresistible.
9. REPRESENTATIVE FOR SATURN
MWGG!: A deep-space DJ.
PLANET HEROES: Rings, a dude with a ring cycle.
ADVANTAGE: MWGG!. I almost gave this one to Rings, since Saturn’s rings are just decoration, but in the end I had to succumb to my love of techno music.
10. REPRESENTATIVES OF URANUS AND NEPTUNE
(I’m listing these 2 together since Uranus and Neptune are twin planets.)
MWGG!: A pair of twin sisters: Uranus, a bookish brainiac…
…And her twin Neptune a space-faring surfer chick.
PLANET HEROES: Uranus- Yuri, with a suction cup gun.
Neptune- Tune, a liquid dude with a large vehicle.
ADVANTAGE: MWGG!. They’re twins, baby. I don’t think I have to say any more.
11. REPRESENTATIVE OF PLUTO
MWGG!: A hard-rocking, Goth punk girl.
PLANET HEROES: Shiver, the smallest Planet Hero with a snowmobile.
ADVANTAGE: MWGG!. Both are cold, but one of them is STONE COLD! A stone cold rocker, that is.
12. BAD GUYS
MWGG!: A sexless entity known as Black Hole.
PLANET HEROES: Professor Darkness, a living black hole aided by minions Photon and Neutron.
ADVANTAGE: Push. There are no winners here. Remember kids, just say ‘no’ to evil.
FINAL SCORE: with a whopping score of 7 to 3, our winner is…MILKY WAY & THE GALAXY GIRLS!
The Planet Heroes had some chops, but in the end, the Galaxy Girls’ quirkiness and fashionable flash edged them out just so slightly.
We end this somewhat pointless venture with a cool space montage.