Ad Nausea: The New ‘Hipster’ Hamburglar

As you probably already know by now, in order to promote their new Third Pound Burgers (and to boost sagging sales), McDonald’s has resurrected their famous mascot, the known fast-food sandwich snatcher the Hamburglar. But he’s no longer the chubby, adorable prison-outfitted ex-con thief….

“Robble-robble-robble!”

…No, he’s now a live, flesh-and-blood, unshaven hipster burger-swiping thief. Viz, THIS.

“Like, robble-robble, bee-yotches!”

What do we at Twinsanity have to say about this? Well, first…

..Obviously. Also…

  • Mickey D’s must have figured that Ronald McDonald shouldn’t be the only fast-food mascot to creep around the suburbs.
  • And you thought that giant plastic headed Burger King was the creepiest mascot around.
  • We suspect that he might be Macklemore in disguise.
  • This new Hamburglar is a suburban husband and father. Guess he’s been in the Burger Relocation Program all this time.
  • How does the Hamburglar manage to afford a home in the ‘burbs and support a family when his only skill is burger-bilking? Does he sell the cheese on the black market? Gotta get that cheddar!
  • He looks like he’s guilty of other crimes besides just stealing burgers. We think he’s been doing a lot of Quarter Pounding.

If you think this is bad, you should see McDonald’s plans to revamp Captain Crook.

“AAARRH! The Filet-O-Fish is a succulent seafood sandwich! Ye should buy it or I’ll lop off yer head, drink yer blood an’ plunge yer bones into the depths of Davy Jones Locker!”

Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba, I’m dreadin’ it!

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