Nerdvana: Wild Cartoon Kingdom (Revisited)

Hey, remember that Wild Cartoon Kingdom Nerdvana Goldstar did back in December? We’ll we liked that so much that we’re going back to that savage land.

Today I have an idea for big budgeted animated movie set on a wild tropical jungle (think Swiss Family Robinson meets Donkey Kong Country meets Jurassic Park), and I already have the perfect title for it….

Eat or Get Ate: A Family Movie.

Eat or Get Ate takes place on this untamed tropical jungle island whose major abundant resources are bananas and savage beasts. The island is called Terratopia. (Yeah, I know there was already a book series with that name, but kids don’t read anymore so nobody will remember it.)

Terratopia is teeming with crazy primates. And I know the perfect theme for the soundtrack:

“Crazy, man. That was an ORANGUTAN JOKE!”

The island itself is extremely large and has drastically different climates in various areas, including jungle, beach, ocean, grasslands, bayou, frozen wasteland, and desert. There are several mysterious ruins on the island primarily resembling ancient South American architecture, so Cusco can perform the soundtrack. In addition to apes, Terratopia has a variety of critters living on it:

Rampaging rhinos! Enormous elephants! Brightly colored birds! Giant spiders with sneakers! Snakes! Frogs! (including the poisonous variety!) Whales! Dolphins! And since Terratopia has a frozen wasteland area, let’s throw in some penguins as well. People like penguins.

“Eh, OK. We’re in. Quite frankly, Dreamworks could use a hit!”

Yes, there’s a wintry area, but horn-dogs need not worry: thanks to a climate anomaly or ancient magic or lazy writing or whatever, the natives of Terratopia are incapable of feeling cold, so they can go barefoot in the snow.

“Feet. Yeah…heh..heh…hehe…oh yeah…heh..heh..feet…hehehe..yeah…”

Thought you’d like that. Moving on…

Our movie’s protagonists are a family of nature documentary makers who somehow wind up on this savage land. Similar to The Wild Thornberrys….

…only not boring and with more fan service.

“Dat’s cool! I like dat. With the waterfalls, an’ the RV an’ the cameras an’ the wild animals an’ the apes and the loincloths and the bare feet..”

Yeah, we’ve covered that, but glad you like it. While we’re at it, let’s add some friendly dinosaurs onto the island…

TheYoshiFamily

…In every color of the rainbow. Kids’ll eat them up. They’ll look great as Happy Meal toys.

But of course there are also threats on the island, hey it wouldn’t be the wild without things waiting to snap you up like endless breadsticks. There can be diabolical floating tiki masks…

“We’re gonna put the voodoo on you!”

..which can only be contained and controlled by a wily witch doctor…

“Who do voodoo? I do voodoo!”

And if we’re going to have cute toyetic dinosaurs, we might as well also have some of the man-eating variety.

“Come to Terratopia, humans. Where you don’t have to slather yourselves in creamy ranch sauce, but it wouldn’t hurt!”

OK, there’s still some little details to work out, you know, like plot, but I think we’ve got a movie.

“I like it! But say, how about we change the lead characters to the cast of ‘Jessie’? And maybe throw Chip ‘n’ Dale in there too, since we’re thinking of making a sequel to that ‘Rescue Rangers’ movie that hasn’t come out yet. We could also make it a team-up with Ultimate Spider-Man, and get One Direction to do the soundtrack. Say, we could make this a ride at Disney World, and have the dinosaurs sing “Walk the Dinosaur” in 80 different languages again and again and again…”

“I like it! But say, how about we change the lead characters to the cast of ‘Jessie’? And maybe throw Chip ‘n’ Dale in there too, since we’re thinking of making a sequel to that ‘Rescue Rangers’ movie that hasn’t come out yet. We could also make it a team-up with Ultimate Spider-Man, and get One Direction to do the soundtrack. Say, we could make this a ride at Disney World, and have the dinosaurs sing “Walk the Dinosaur” in 80 different languages again and again and again…”

Shere Khan

“Do you mind if I eat this guy?”

Knock yourself out.

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