We Won’t Touch This
The Twin Factor’s been blowing up lately. We’ve recently launched a new segment (Nerdvana) and several of our other segments have been going well; I’m sure the folks who follow this blog (we know you’re out there, we can hear you checking your email) are curious as to what we’ll tackle next, but there are some things which we definitely won’t be tackling. Just to set the record straight, the following items listed below are subjects which will not ever be reviewed or analyzed by The Twin Factor:
- MOVIES. Do you know how many movie reviewers there are on the internet? The line starts with the Nostalgia Critic and circles the block 5 times over. The web is littered with dozens of movie reviewers and critics, and most of them do it 30 times better than we ever would; our collective attention spans are only about 20 to 30 minutes max anyway, and movies require longer and more involved reviews, and we know from experience that blow-by-blow reviews are time consuming and exhausting to write, especially for lazy people like us. So we won’t be reviewing any movies here. It’s just our Aquarian natures; since a bunch of other people review movies, then we won’t. We’re just rebels, and we’ll never ever be any good.
- ANIME. We here at The Twin Factor are about the ugliest of Ugly Americans; we’re about as Japanese and otaku as a Burger King Whopper. We’re only extremely casual viewers of anime, so we’d look like giant clueless hypocrites trying to review an anime and we’d have an easier time finding Waldo than we ever would trying to unlock the subtle nuances of the average anime. Keep in mind that the fancy label ‘anime’ didn’t exist in the US when we were kids in the ancient 1970’s; back then, everything animated was simply labeled ‘cartoons’, so that’s how we tend to view things. For anyone wishing to see an anime get proper analysis, we refer you to the Otaku Gamer Spot. Those guys have more anime knowledge in their eyelashes than we have in our entire bodies.
- VIDEO GAMES. Again, we’re just very, very, very casual gamers, and even then it’s mostly retro games, or at least they’re retro now; generally speaking, most people who are old enough to remember a time before there were video games tend not to be hardcore gamers. So we won’t be doing any game reviews here either. Yes, we do have a segment devoted to video games (Videots), but those are just pointless ramblings about games we’ve played or geek talk about specific characters, tropes and idioms in video games, and the Videots are rarely if ever informative. Again, the guys at the Otaku Gamer Spot do a much better job at tackling video games than we ever could.
- SILVER AGE WARNER BROTHERS CARTOONS (Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Freakazoid!, et al). As those who follow this blog know, we’re both huge Warner Bros. fans, and we enjoyed the so-called Silver Age WB cartoons like Animaniacs, Freakazoid! and Tiny Toons a lot (Pinky & the Brain, not so much; we feel they were best taken in small doses, and we’re still a little miffed that Slappy Squirrel didn’t get a spinoff), but are we ever going to do full-on reviews of any of these shows? No. Why? For one thing, many other internet personalities have already reviewed these shows in great length, so anything we could say about them would be redundant. For another, it’s common knowledge that we like the majority of those shows, what else could we say about them other than “they were great”? It’s like with Barbie: Life in the Dream House; I like the show, and I watch it when it’s an episode that interests me (the ones focusing on Barbie’s Fab Sistsers are my favorite ones) but I’m not going to do a review on it, as I wouldn’t be saying much other than “I like it”. We can (and have) given some characters and such from these shows some shouty-shouts and mentions in other segments, and will continue to do so as desired, but we won’t be doing full reviews or analyses on any of them.
- LOONATICS UNLEASHED. I’m sure some folks would like to see us tear this show a new one, but sorry, we won’t be doing that. What could we possibly say about this show that hasn’t been already been said by dozens of angry fanboys and fangirls? It’d be like taking shots at Barney and Friends or any of the Family Circus TV specials: they’re not interesting enough to be a viable target and snarking on them would be FAR too easy. Another reason why we’re not going to review Loonatics Unleashed is because that would mean having to re-watch some of the episodes and that’s not going to happen.
- MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. No. Nope. No. Not going to do it. Sorry. This show has gotten so much commentary and analysis over the past 4 years that there’s no way that we would even attempt to do anything along those lines. We’ve seen the show, it’s OK, but we’re not “Bronies”. We spotlighted 3 of our favorite MLP:FiM characters on our Why (blank) is Awesome! segment, that’s as deep as our fandom for MLP is going to get.
- ACTION CARTOONS. As the blog’s title states, this is where cartoons and COMEDY collide. While we do watch some action cartoons, we’re first and foremost comedy cartoon guys, as such any action cartoon we’d spotlight would be automatically be viewed from a comedian/weirdo/wise guy perspective. We’re just not that interested in most action cartoons to give them that kind of attention. If a certain character or trope from an action show catches our attention, we’ll give it a mention somewhere, like I could see myself mentioning Miko from Transformers Prime in an upcoming Why (blank) is Awesome! or a Nerdvana since I’ve always liked her character and find her to be a tasty little cookie, but I’m not the guy to come to for an essay on sentient robot soldiers from Cyberton. Again, anyone expecting a rich, full and detailed review or analysis of an action cartoon should look elsewhere.
- EACH AND EVERY NEW CARTOON THAT PREMIERES. When we started this blog back in 2010, we felt like we had to cover everything animated in order to appear knowledgeable and attract as many followers as possible. As a result, we ended up typing a lot of drawn-out, boring and uninspired articles about shows that we knew or cared little about. After 4 years, we’ve learned that it’s best that we stick to what we know and what interests us specifically; we don’t have to review every cartoon that comes down the pike, especially since blow-by-blow reviews are a pain to write, which is why we don’t do them that much anymore. The reviews we do nowadays are abridged for the most part (hence the name Reviews on the Run) and we have a strict policy that they have to be shows that we actually watch and are legitimately interested in. Something that our interest in fades after a few episodes or we were never interested in to start with doesn’t get an article. It’s way too much work pouring time and energy into something that we’re not even into.