The Wit an’ Wisdom o’ Rufus

We here at Twinsanity like to spotlight the obscure, less celebrated and just plain odd, so take one such character: Rufus from the Street Fighter franchise…please.

Rufus

“Butt-whoop. It’s what’s for dinner!”

For those who don’t know, Rufus is an obese American Kung-Fu fighter in the Street Fighter series who made his first appearance in Street Fighter IV.
Rufus is a loudmouthed master of Kung-Fu, hailing from the U.S. Believing himself to be the strongest in America, he develops a personal hatred for Ken Masters, who carries that title officially. Often seen riding his motorcycle with his girlfriend, Candy (an attractive but not very bright brunette woman with a notably tacky way of dress), who seems to adore him and agree with his beliefs. He is very hasty and impatient, constantly jumping to conclusions to reach a goal, which often results in him sacrificing accuracy for speed.
Rufus is prone to loud-mouthed rambling, often spouting off at the mouth continuously until someone cuts him off. Said ramblings are usually about trivial things he notices about the characters, doting over Candy, giving random anecdotes, or mistaking several members of the cast for Ken Masters (including Cammy, Guile and Ryu).He’s also prone to saying whatever random thoughts come to his mind, regardless of how rude, irrelevant or just plain stupid they are. In fact, his win-quotes are so long they’re normally impossible to read beginning to end before the results screen is gone. So for the benefit of those players who never quite get to read them all, assembled here are all of Rufus’ various SF4 win quotes and general deep musings and words o wisdom:
Win Quotes
  • When I was a kid, I used to go to the movies all the time. I totally dug all the kung-fu action flicks. I mean, I was practically obsessed! So I started taking all these martial arts correspondence courses. Then, I rode my hog all around China, picking up skills!
  • So I’m, like, a legend in the biker world. Or more like a god. But I ain’t satisfied with that status. This time, I wanna be a god in the fighting world, ya know? Like, on a worldwide basis! People tell me I should be satisfied with “best in America,” but…
  • The way I see it, bein’ a biker is, like, a total lifestyle choice. I mean, you pick a bike and you customize it and all that. It’s a real commitment, ya know? And the best part is, you can go pretty much anywhere on a bike. Everywhere but the ocean, that is.
  • I don’t actually remember the dude’s name, but there was this one guy, and he was, like, the greatest fighter in the USA or whatever. So, I don’t actually know much about him or whatever, but I’m pretty sure I could take him in a fight ‘cuz I’m one tough cookie!
  • I’ve got a great body, don’t I? My girlfriend is all, like, “It bounces around like a waterbed!” She’s a real freaky chick, man. But don’t get me wrong, OK? I spend plenty of time with my dude friend, too. I mean, bros before hos, right? Am I right? So, anyway…
  • I consider myself to be a pretty modest guy, really. People don’t always see me that way, but that’s totally who I am. Like, I’m not necessarily the greatest fighter out there yet, but I don’t let it get to me, ya know? I mean, there’s a lotta dudes out there…
  • So, I’m totally dating this chick named Candy, right? And, lemme tell ya, man, she’s just about as sweet as candy, too! Know what I’m sayin’? The name suits her well, man. At first, I was, like, “Is this some kinda stripper stage name, or what?” Guess I was wrong…
  • So, you’ve got a significant other, or what? I do! And she’s, like, totally hot, man! Just smokin’! I mean, we fight once in a while just like any couple, but it’s all good. She sure is aggressive, though. One time, she totally started throwin’ stuff around, man!
  • Anyway, things are gettin’ pretty serious with me and Candy, right? Like, she totally talks about gettin’ married and whatnot. I’m cool with all that an’ all, but I’m not so big on fancy ceremonies and stuff, right? I mean, it’s not like I stockpile tuxedos or…
  • My old lady, Candy? She’s not just about good looks, man. No way. She’s got an awesome personality, too. The two of us are, like, the world’s most perfect couple, ya know? We both suck at math, so we can borrow each other’s hands if we have to count past 10.
  • I’ve got this rad pool back at my pad, and not one of these kidney-shaped thingamabobs, no way! Mine is, like, totally original and just oozing with style and class! Check this out, man… It’s shaped like a freakin’ dollar bill! Is that the greatest? Isn’t it?
Win Quote vs. Abel
Now you know how it feels to lose, Ken Masters! What’s that? You say I got the wrong guy? No way, man! I ain’t stupid! You got the blonde hair, the gloves… Maybe you changed your pants or whatever, but still! I know Ken Masters when I see him! Yeah!
Win Quote vs. Akuma
Phew! That was tough! I kinda knew just lookin’ at you, man, that you ain’t no pushover. I was like “This dude means business, Rufus! Watch out!” And you totally proved me right, ya know? I’ll hand it to you, you’re pretty tough. But I came through in the end!
Win Quote vs. Balrog
So, my friend’s got this sweet lowrider, right? It’s pretty cool an’ all, but I think if I ever bought a car, I’d go for a luxury sedan or somethin’, ya know? Pleather seats, drink holders, all that classy stuff! ‘Cuz I’m a classy guy, right? Anyway, I…
Win Quote vs. Bison
Y’know, ever since I was a kid, I’ve always wondered what I’d do with super-powers. ‘Course, if you think about it, do you really need ’em? Like, we ordinary folks seem to get along fine without ’em. I guess if you forgot your keys and had to break down a door…
Win Quote vs. Blanka
My old lady, she wants to get a cat, but I’m like “No way, babe!” I mean, those things just meow and meow all day, ya know? How you s’posed to get to sleep with all that racket? Cats are cute an’ all, but I gotta be able to hear myself think! So…
Win Quote vs. Cammy
I finally beat you, Ken Masters! What? You’re not Ken Masters? Sure you are! Just one look at that blonde hair of yours and I knew it was you. ‘Course, you look a lot bigger on TV. What are you wearin’? Some kinda reverse elevator shoes or somethin’? Anyway…
Win Quote vs. Chun Li
You sure got some ham hocks on you, lady! But it’ll take more than mad cankles to defeat the mighty Rufus, though, do ya? I mean, you’re fast and move all graceful an’ stuff, but you’ve gotta have skills to get along with all that. And skills are my speciality! Ha ha!
Win Quote vs. Crimson Viper
So, I was gettin’ outta bed the other day an’ the whole thing broke on me! You know those wooden slot thingies under the mattress? It was all like “Crack!” An’ that’s all she wrote! What’re they made out of? Toothpicks! That’s the third one I broke! Geez…
Win Quote vs. Dan
Take that, Ken Masters! Huh? You say you ain’t him? You can’t fool me, man! I mean, you got the whole karate outfit an’ gloves and crap, right? Maybe you dyed your hair or whatever, but I know it’s you! ‘Course, you are weaker than I woulda thought…
Win Quote vs. Dhalsim
Nothin’ tastes better than a sandwich with chunky peanut butter and gobs an’ gobs of grape jelly, ya know? But lately, I’ve been puttin’ bananas in there. That’s right. Bananas! Crazy, right? I could see why you’d think so, but it tastes awesome! Try it!
Win Quote vs. El Fuerte
Dude, I can hardly tell what you’re talkin’ about! You don’t sound like a fighter at all, man. What’s that? You’re a chef? That’s pretty cool, I guess. Maybe you were all like, “What should I cook for dinner an’ stuff?” and couldn’t concentrate on the fight, huh?
Win Quote vs. Fei Long
So many dudes nowadays are all talk, no action, y’know? I mean, you can do all the fancy moves an’ whatnot on the big screen, but once I get ya in the ring, you’re all like, “Oh no! I’m all powerless an’ stuff!” Yeah, I got your number, dude. I got ya pegged!
Win Quote vs. Gen
Do you have a will all set up an’ whatnot? You probably should get that taken care of, man. If not, you will have all these weird third cousins an’ stuff just crawlin’ outta the woodwork beggin’ for scraps! That ain’t no way to treat your legacy, man. Anyway…
Win Quote vs. Gouken
So why don’t guys like you wear shoes, anyway? Like, is it some kind of rule or somethin’? Or do you just have really bad corns and shoes would make it worse? I had this corn once, man. It was the size of a freakin’ jellybean! An’ what if you stepped in dog doo?
Win Quote vs. Guile
Did you enjoy your beating, Ken Masters? Huh? I got the wrong guy? Don’t play me for a fool, man! Look at that blonde hair! How could you not be Ken Masters? You can’t fool me just by changin’ your hairstyle, dude! I’m no dummy, pal! I can see right through you!
Win Quote vs. Honda
I hear that you sumo dudes eat nothing but sushi and stew and tofu and stuff, like, 24 hours a day, man. There’s this sushi place near my house, but there’s all these rumors goin’ around that they serve spoiled fish! One bite, an’ you’ll be on the toilet all day!
Win Quote vs. Ken
Now you know what it feels like to lose, Ken Masters! I bet you totally thought you could run from me, but I proved you wrong an’ then some, didn’t I? Oh yeah! You never thought I’d find you, but I did! And I gave it to you good! Were you even fightin’ for real?
Win Quote vs. Rose
I’ll never forget when I first met my girl. It was a rainy day in October and I was on my way home from a fight. Suddenly, this chick came outta nowhere an’ was all like “Help!” I guess she pulled a dine an’ dash, so I beat up the waiter that was chasin’ her!
Win Quote vs. Ryu
So you’re Ken Masters, huh? What? You’re not? Are you sure, man? You sure look like him in that outfit. I mean, you’ve got the gloves and all that, I guess maybe you coulda dyed your hair or something. But that’s not enough to fool me, Ken! I’m on to you! You hear me?
Win Quote vs. Sagat
Y’know, I think the way a dude wears his hair tells you a lot about his personality, right? Like, I took forever an’ a day to finally decide on my look. It’s not a decision you can take lightly, man. I put a lot of thought into this. I spent years plannin’ it!
Win Quote vs. Sakura
You could totally use a makeover, girl. What’re you doin’ wearin’ your school uniform, anyway? Are you so poor you couldn’t afford a cool ensemble like the one I’m wearin’? You won’t get far in the fighting world in an outfit like that! What you need to do is…
Win Quote vs. Seth
What a crazy fight. Never expected to run into a weird dude like you, man. What with that weird basketball thing stuck in your belly an’ all. How do you eat, anyway? Do you just spoon stuff right into that ball? What’s it like bein’ a robot thing? Is it fun?
Win Quote vs. Vega
So, I finally found you, Ken Masters! How does it feel to lose to me, Masters? Are you filled with regret? Rage? How about rue? I bet you’re filled to the brim with rue, ain’t ya? What? You’re not Ken Masters? C’mon, man! It’ll take more than a mask to fool me!
Win Quote vs. Zangief
Now that’s what I like to see! You an’ me, we think alike, ya know? I mean, all these skinny dudes runnin’ around like they’re so cool, but you an’ me, we know that only wimps and losers are skinny, right? No one likes a guy that looks like a skeleton! Seriously…
 ******************************************
Well! Now that we’ve all got a gander of the gems of this guy’s mind, I think I speak for all Street Fighter players, fans and combatants alike when I say……
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