Ad Nausea: The Madness of King Burger

Happy New Year! For the first Twinsanity blog entry of 2014, we examine the somewhat spotty career of fast food mascot the Burger King. What a fairly short but strange trip it’s been…..

We all remember the 1970’s. The clothes, the music, the gregariously over-the-top and occasionally entertaining Kung Fu movies, but did you that back in the 70’s, McDonald’s had a rival in the bizarre kid-vid commercial arms race? Yes, before the Burger King Kids Club, there was…The King.
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Speaking of which, have you ever wondered what became of the Kids Club? You might want to check the King’s basement.
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 In the 70’s, the Marvelous Magical Burger King reigned on weekday afternoons and Saturday morning commercials along with his very own court of puppety oddballs: the Duke of Doubt, a foppish skeptic who didn’t believe in magic and as a result was made to look like a fool every time; Sir Shake-A-Lot, a quaking knight whose passion for shakes has left him with permanent internal freezer burn; the Wizard of Fries, who was a robot (this was during the era of Star Wars, you must remember) whose shtick was taking everything anyone said too literally; and the Burger Thing, a giant burger head on a picture frame who guffawed bad jokes and terrible puns. (I swear I’m not making this up). Get a gander at what it was like in the court of the King:

All was hunky-dory for a while, but ultimately, the ads just couldn’t cut the mustard, and eventually the King’s court was disbanded. As for whatever happened to the King’s co-stars, well…….

Ronald McDonald

“Whaddaya think’s in the Special Sauce? It’s amazing what those Gobblins will do for leftover fry bits from the grill. Who’s the king now, beeyotch?”
 
Undeterred, the Powers That Be at BK were determined to keep the King in the limelight. They vowed to make him better than he was. Better. Stronger. Funner. Their experimentation took them to a very dark place, the jungles of Columbia to be exact. They tapped into the forbidden arts of Dark Burger Magic, resulting in a new, creepier King; the dosage of Magic injected into him also resulted in the King’s head growing to thrice its’ normal size. It was time to get back to work.
 


For some unfathomable reason, people found these new ads to be off-putting (Can’t imagine why), and eventually, Burger King retired the monarch in 2011. These days, the King does the occasional magic show in Las Vegas (fans loved it when he pantsed David Copperfield on stage), but mostly he just likes to lurk. Anywhere. At anytime. So you just might bump into him one day.

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Sleep tight.
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3 Comments

  1. The King…I still remember when I watched the commercials, I actually cried of fear as a kid. Thnks fr th mmrs.

    Like

  2. Always thought he was a poor man's Ronald McDonald, and the ad campaign in the 70's was designed with McDonald's in mind.

    The later reincarnation was el creep-o-saurus to the max, yo.

    Like

  3. “Booty is Booty”. Truly a Poet Laureate walks among us.

    Like

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